You England Man?

I was in my considerably cramped old lift today and found myself standing next to a veryold and small Chinese woman. My lift is so tiny that you can't stand side by side with someone else, so I was slightly in front of her and to the right.


On the journey from the tenth floor I suddenly felt a finger jab me (quite hard) in my back. If I was in England, I would have ignored the attack and hope that it does not escalate to a full stabbing before reaching the ground floor. I knew though that this old lady was just trying to get my attention so I turned and peered down at her.


"You are very..." She then made hand gestures above her head. "Tall?" I guessed. She nodded "Yes, you are tall". "I am!" I replied, "and you are very small!" She found this hugely funny and started laughing so hard that the lift began to sway (yes my lift sways). After another few seconds she peered up again, jabbing me with deceptive force "You are England man?" I nodded "Yes I am! Are you are China woman?" That was a mistake. She then started chuckling so much that the lift started to swing like a pendulum still going down.


We reached the ground floor eventually and I left my new friend to talk to my often assumed dead/sleepy security guard. I heard her explain to him that I am "A very tall England man", just as I exited onto the street. I have now decided to speak to every little old lady that I encounter in my lifts, with the aim to befriend one who is a good cook. Although lift swingers need not apply.

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I leave you with two random photographs of me, just in case you forgot what I looked like.

Me licking Nikki



Dancing on a bar with some Newbies Holly (who is falling off) and Maxine on the right.

bx